Rainbow Cupcakes

I volunteer at an after school program on SIUE's campus for low-income families and I LOVE IT! Our team of volunteers were on for this week- a few days before St. Patrick's day so we thought that a fun snack would be these rainbow cupcakes- for obvious reasons. And how fitting, I have eaten rainbow cake before- my Aunt makes it for pretty much every birthday for my cousins, and why not? It. is. fun!
I found a recipe from a blogger and followed the instructions- only changing them to cupcakes instead of a cake...  And here is what they looked like...

The inside... part of my problem is that I had only one cupcake pan, so I had to take these guys out before they fully cooled... not recommended :(

I am selfish

Moving out on my own has caused me to really have to face a few facts. For instance when I am home, come home or leave home there is NO ONE here. I am by myself. This is new for me. All my life I have lived with family or friends, so yes, new AND weird. There are days when it is great to be alone. But there are more days when it's not.
Does this make me selfish? Not really. Does it make me more self-centered, most likely. I have become a bit more concerned about me. And I don't like it, and I don't like that part of me.

After what has happened in Japan with the earthquakes and the Tsunami I have recognized that I am 100% selfish and self centered. I was watching CNN the night that the earthquake hit. I went to bed with Japan having a tsunami warning, and woke up to find complete devastation and chaos. I prayed for Japan that night before bed. But then woke up the next morning with thoughts about me and my life and what my day looked like and what I was going to buy for my new apt. All the while in parts of Japan people were and continue to be missing, lives have stopped, where clean water and food and clothes will come from- survival, becomes the main mood and mode of being. I'm selfish.

Yes, I will pray for the people, I will pray for the country, I will pray for those who have gone to physically and emotionally be their with the hurting, and the lost. But I want more, I want to do more I want to give of what I have been so greatly blessed with. And when I feel lonely in my apt of many things I want to not be so self centered...

Understanding and Frustrations

I learned something about myself today. Or maybe this something fully came to light, either way it's something that I am not entirely proud to own up to.

But here is my learning moment...
When I lack the understanding of something, my immediate response is a flash of anger for not getting it, then understanding that I am ignorant about it, then the overwhelming flustering frustration of the situation on hand.
Example...
I just moved out. Fact.
Today Charter came to install cable and internet. They arrived late on a day that late, like most days is inconvenient. Though I am sure that most people share this sentiment about things that are scheduled.

Anyhow...

I called my dad, the being of all knowledge that is technology. As if he could do anything about Charter being late. No. I was simply ticked that they were not there.
So as little M and I were getting packed up to head back to my parents house... knock knock... who could it be... of course none but the Charter man himself....uhhh ok, well let's do this.

So the Charter man comes in and asks where the cable is.. it is across the room because in the hast to move and be done for the weekend, it had yet been moved. But unbeknownst to me that would be a problem... awesome.
And because Charter is so honorable, they could not just drill a hole in the floor with out a letter from landlord... (dude I have know the landlords for 25 years it's ok, but fine, whatever). By this time many of thoughts are running through my head...
"Seriously dad, we could not move the cable before today, really? I bet I sound super dumb, I am asking questions that I should  know the answers to. Great dad would be so proud to know that I know NOTHING, uhhhhh. (Anger. Frustration.) I am so calling dad and letting him know what I am thinking and that I am ticked, and that it's partly due to him."
Because clearly it's his fault the cables are not moved...
Except that it's not.

And the moment that I called and relieved my heavy, angry, flustering, frustration I knew I was wrong. And that I needed to relax because NO ONE but myself expected me to know what was going on or how to answer the(se) questions. How would I? I have never done this before...

So after the cable guy left, an hour and a half later... I called my dad and apologized. I knew that it was not his fault, it was beyond wrong for me to even call or lets go further, to think/feel the things I did toward my dad. To really learn from this I will need to remember that I a) need to relax. b) understand that it is ok and I will learn.

My dad forgave me, and I am thankful. I still feel awful about what I did and said. But most importantly I want and need to learn from this...